I look at all of these skinny girls on Tumblr and wish it was me.

Then I whip out my bag of food and realize it’ll never happen.

Really, life is awesome.

I don’t have a social life.

TUMBLR ALL DAY.

I feel sloppy, but I feel good.

You know whom I hate?  Pretty girls.  So, in other words, I hate every single one of you ladies.  

*POSITIVITY RE-ENFORCEMENT:
You know whom I love?  Pretty girls.  So, in other words, I love every single one of you ladies.

*FUNNY RE-ENFORCEMENT:
You all manage to look so gorgeous with your hair thrown up in some messy bun that somehow manages to look stylish.  Then I go look in the mirror and I’m like, “WTF is that rat’s nest?!”  Hahah.

But, really.  I’ve been cleaning like a madman for the past two days, since I haven’t been home in what seems to be weeks (and practically has been).  I feel super accomplished.  I managed to get my lavatory looking super clean and “open”, if you know what I mean.  Because I knew I had the day off, I had no care in the world to dress up.  So, hello high school gym shorts (which aren’t even mine; they’re Vincent’s) and oversized tee.

I probably wouldn’t go out looking like I do now.  I have before, but I probably wouldn’t now.  I have come to the realization that, no, I do not look completely unfortunate when I’m dressed down, but that, yes, I should take pride in the beauty I do have, whether that be reflected in my apparel or in my make-up.  Which, I don’t wear much make-up anyhow.  Usually just eyeliner, and on occasion foundation or lipstick.

BUT, in my defense, the weather isn’t all to sunny and bright, either, yet, it’s still beautiful out.  I guess that’s how it is with me, and people spending their day like I am: not sunny and bright, but still beautiful.

SO NOW THAT THAT’S OUT AND OVER WITH, how’re you lovely people doing today?  What time is it in your part of the world (It’s 2:15 here)?

Negativity brings me down to lows that I never thought I would ever see. I’m beginning what they call a “positivity cleanse”. Weeding out the not-so-great friends, the dragging thoughts, and the weighing stress. Taking struggles and turning them into strengths, and allowing my arms to stretch wide open for those in need. Let the positivity start flowing!

I hate everybody.

I had an extremely marvelous day.

9 a.m.
I had a staff meeting at work.  Nothing all too special or dandy there, but one of my coworkers was sick and asked if anyone wanted to take her shift for the day.  Nobody spoke up, so all I could see was a few extra dollar$ for time that I had to spare.  So, I picked up an extra shift.

11:30 a.m.
I had made an appointment with the Genius Bar at the Apple Store because my MacBook/charger wasn’t working properly.  Upon walking in, one of the workers, Stacey, and I hit it off immediately.  She was super friendly and absolutely adorable.  I then made it to the Genius Bar, where Matt, my little Apple genius dude, informed me that it was my actual charger that was defective and not my MacBook.  I was pretty upset because I would have to fork up $70 for a new MacBook charger, and I hadn’t budgeted for that.  As I made my way out, Stacey asked how things went.  I told her it went well, because I wouldn’t have to pay a huge chunk of cash to get my MacBook fixed, but not so great because it would cost me $70 for a new charger.  I then showed her what was wrong with the charger, and she walked up to the chargers on the wall, pulled off a brand new one, and gave it to me for free.  Score!  I was ecstatic.  She was an absolute doll.  We then ended up chatting for a bit, and after expressing my interest and knowledge in Apple products, she gave me her email address so I could contact her personally with my résumé for potential employment!  How rad, right?!

12 p.m. - 1 p.m.
I window shopped around the mall for a bit.  I haven’t actually been in to look around in ages, so I figured I’d take a peek.  I ended up walking out with a delicious Malibu Dream from Coffee Bean, and two amazingly adorable dresses that are to DIE for! 

2 p.m.
Work.  Nothing too grand there.  Although, my manager noticed that I wasn’t being myself and approached me about some issues I was having at work.  It took all of five minutes to sort through the petty shit, and after that?  I was flying with colors at work and making AWESOME sales! Go me!

6:30 p.m.
Roxie and I hung out for a bit.  That in itself is always a blast.  I miss the girl like crazy, and she’s super cute and fun! 

It may not seem like anything like winning the jackpot, but it was for me.  I really enjoy meeting new people and experiencing new things, and it just feels as though that hasn’t happened in a long, long time.  Now, all I’m looking forward to is leap day at Disneyland!

Sometimes

even the most important people who make the biggest impact in your life will let you down.

Why even have friends? All they do is let you down. I can only count on two things: money, and my cat.

People are ever-changing. Views, beliefs, morals… they’re all ever-changing with us.

It’s time for more change. I want to build new friendships. I want to venture on new journeys. I want to take new pictures. I want to create new memories. I’m ready for change.

The Little Things.

People treasure the strangest things.  For some reason it always seems to be the popular, cliché, typical BS that everyone always raves about.

For example, prom.  Remember how effin’ HUGE prom was in high school?  Or any dance for that matter.  I’ll put it blatantly: I was never asked to prom.  Or any dance.  Not by friends, not by some studly man.

Or graduation!  something as simple and free as graduation.  Graduation is so kick ass.  It’s a time when you can raise your middle fingers to the sky and tell the world that you’re the f*cking bomb.  It may seem totally pathetic now, but I know people who are my age (20, for those of you who weren’t aware) who are still in high school.  Graduation is awesome.  Period.

Or — shoot! — flowers.  Flowers are great, don’t get me wrong.  My favorite flower is the scarlet pimpernel.  Sunflowers are gorgeous, too.  But it seems like no girl is happy (specifically with their significant other) unless they come home with a big, beautiful bouquet of roses.  But, I s’pose that’s every girl’s fantasy.  It sure has hell was mine for 19 years.

But, those are such little things.  Things that, sure, I guess they matter, but in all reality, they’re simply little things.

What I mean is, since I was never asked to a dance, I never got one of those cute prom/homecoming/etc. dance pictures.  While all of my friends and then some were out dancing, I stayed home, Facebooked, Tumblred, and watched sappy romance movies like The Notebook, or something Disney-related, like Toy Story.  It wasn’t until I went on a cruise with my best friend Roxie in 2010 that we met what is now called The Entourage.  The Entourage consisted of Ava, Joe, Carmela, Hayward, Paul, Trevor, Damien, Roxie, and myself.  We rocked that cruise like no one else on board.  One night, we went out for a fancy dinner.  We got all dolled up (and spiffied up for you gentlemen) and went for photo ops.  Ava goes, “Get ready, guys!  We’re about to take our prom picture.”  And that was it.  It honestly struck a sweet chord for me.  I had never — ever — had a picture with a date.  Now?  Now I have a picture with eight dates!  It was by far the best prom night I could have ever dreamed of.  (The Entourage prom photo.)

Ah, graduation.  High school was an interesting road for me.  I loved high school.  I had such rad teachers and some pretty hilarious friends.  But, because I graduated high school a year early, I never got to experience graduation.  Not only that, I never got to experience any of the senior activities, like grad night, senior pranks, etc.  Honestly, that never really bothered me, but what DID bother me was that I was never included in my senior yearbook.  But even then, I was still not bothered.  While all of my mates were studying hard and crazy for finals, I was studying hard and crazy for my ASVAB.  After enlisting in the military and shipping off for boot camp, the one and only thing I could look forward to was, of course, graduation.  It came to a close halt when I was diagnosed with shin splints just a week before graduation.  I was medically cleared the morning of graduation, but my MTI (military training instructor) wouldn’t allow me to be a part of the graduation ceremony.  I nearly cried.  My family had traveled just to see me graduate, but they would end up seeing me sitting on the side benches instead.  Luckily, my squadron supervisor demanded that my MTI allow me to be a part of the ceremony.  Once again, it struck a sweet chord.  Like I said, I never got to experience graduation, but while all of my friends were graduating high school, I was graduating and becoming a world class airman. (Military graduation.)

Flowers.  Such a simple delicacy.  I’ve been in 7 serious relationships (including my present relationship).  Some lasting years, some only months.  Never once have I been given flowers.  Funny enough, Iii actually gave my crush a flower on Valentine’s Day in freshman year of high school.  For some reason, this always left me incredibly bummed.  Like, WTF?  Aren’t men supposed to swoon the ladies with wondrous roses?  Aren’t they supposed to surprise them with a great, big tulip or somethin’?  Movies are such lies.  NO man I’ve ever known brings the love of their life flowers.  Except for my father.  My father constantly surprises my mother with flowers.  I guess this is where I’ve just grown up to see it happen, so I suspect it’ll happen to me, too.  Not the case, however.  The first and only time I’ve ever been given flowers was (coincidentally) on the day of my graduation from boot camp.  Roxie was unable to fly out to my graduation, so she had flowers SENT to me.  To this day (and forever always), those flowers and that memory will always remain my favorite bouquet of flowers.  (Flowers. Love, Roxie. [Excuse my face. We weren’t allowed to look pretty in boot camp.])

Why the f*ck would I write a novel like this?  Mainly because I’m reminiscing.  Because it humors me how much of the little things we truly take for granted.  I didn’t get to experience these little things when everyone else did, but I did experience them.  And, honestly, it truly is the little things that count.

December is just looking so fantastic. Oh, and the lineup for Coachella has me bouncing off the walls. Just sayin’.

FRIENDS, old and new.

This past week has been insanely hectic.

Lets start with Friday.  Not this past Friday, but the Friday before last.  My amazing pal Paul came and visited from Seattle.  Of course, I wasn’t able to see him because I was on base.  The one good thing about going to base (and by good thing I mean consistently good thing) is that Vincent comes out to stay with me — every weekend — regardless of early work hours.

Base was surprisingly great.  They finally resolved the issue with my CAC card (military identification: CAC = common access card), so I was able to log in to my military email and portal for the first time in the nearly TWO YEARS I’ve been in the service.  Soo… as silly as it sounds, it was one of those euphoric moments.  I was also supposed to take my FTF (fit to fight, a.k.a. fitness test), but since I didn’t have a medical profile for my shin splints, it is postponed until next month, which is good (because I can continue to increase my odds of passing) but also bad because… well, it’s the holidays.  I like to eat.  A lot.  Especially during the holidays, haha.

After my weekend on base was over, I was finally able to see Paul and spend time with him.  We went to Disneyland, the Griffith Observatory, Hollywood, Guitar Center, Santa Monica Beach, Third Street Promenade, and just about every other major attraction in the Los Angeles area.  It was amazing, and I’m super glad I was able to spend so much time with him before he left.

Thanksgiving was just super!  After Vincent got off work, he drove up to spend a couple hours with my family.  My cousin, Megan, and I totally had him running around trying to find one of his pocket knives when, in reality, I had it, HA.  After munching on some delicious jalapeño poppers and other goodies, we drove down to V’s house and ate dinner with his family.  Lots of food, lots of family, and lots to be thankful for.

It then occurred to me that I hadn’t seen any of my friends in a while.  Surely, it was great seeing friends and family from out of town, but friends such as Roxie and Gaby I hadn’t seen.  So Gaby snatched me after school and we went and grubbed on wings at Wingstop.  Contemplating taking a nap, I decided that, nahh, I’d rather see Roxie.  Aha, so, off I go into the heart of Santa Clarita to see my little booger.